Women/Qur’an

A PERSONAL VIEW

If ever there has been a controversial verse in the Holy Qur'an, it certainly is verse 4:34. Used by opponents of Islam to label thisreligion woman-unfriendly (to put it mildly), Muslims themselves arestruggling with interpreting it. For yes, let us agree about this:there is no such thing as “the” one and only correct interpretation ofthe Word of Allah – only Allah knows what He meant. We can only try tounderstand. And in this particular case, an alternative for thetroublesome interpretations of this verse may bring us a bit closer tothat objective.Let us have a look at a (partial) translation of this verse 1:"Men are the {qawwam} of women, because Allah has given the onemorethan the other, and because they support them from their means.Therefore the righteous women are {qanitat}, and guard in the husband'sabsence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whosepart ye fear {nushuz}, admonish them first, then refuse to share theirbeds, and finally {adriboo} them; but when they {ataa:} to you, thenseek not against them means of annoyance: For Allah is Most High, greatabove you all. "Disobedient women?The key word to answer this question is {qanitat}, which is a feminineplural of {qanit}, based on the root {q-n-t}. This word appears on manyother occasions in the Holy Qur'an 2, where it is used exclusively inthe sense of 'submissive, obedient to Allah'. Verse 4:34 contains noreason at all to depart from this meaningand to change it into'obedience to a husband'. This verse is about pious women who, justlike pious men, are obedient to Allah. And a wife (husband) who isobedient to God, must live up to her (his) marital duties.Superior husband and inferior wife?Throughout the Holy Qur'an, Allah emphasizes that men and women areequal for Him – Allah will judge them in exactly the same way 3. So itwould be strange indeed if a verse would contradict this equality. Butis that really the case here? The Arabic word used is {qawwam}, anintensive form of {qaim}, meaning: 'to take care of, to look after'.Therefore, does this verse say that men are superior to women? Not atall. It says: men must look after women. In Islam, men are obliged tofinancially provide for their wife and children. They have to pay fortheirhousing, clothing, food, medicines, etc. That is what{qawwamoona} means: men must take care of women.Misbehaviour?Is this verse about what a man should do when his wife 'misbehaves'?The exact word used here, {nushuz}, means 'discord, hostiliy,dissonance'. In this context it could be interpreted as 'maritalproblems'.Beating his wife?The verse instructs a husband whose wife causes problems in theirmarriage to first talk to her about it, then leave the marital bed,then {adriboo} his wife, and all of this in view of pursueing areconciliation as is evident from the subsequent verse 4:35.The Arabic word used here, {adriboo}, from the root {d-r-b}, hasseveral dozens of meanings, such as: 'to beat', but also: 'to forsake,to avoid, to leave'.How do we know which interpretation to choose? One way to find out, isto relate this verse to other verses in the Holy Qur'an and to check ifthe meanings make sense. In this case, let us look at verse 24:2, whichdescribes what should be done in case of adultery :"The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication,- flog each ofthem with a hundred stripes..." (Holy Qur'an 24:2)4This verse establishes the principle that for men and women, equalactions lead to equal punishment. When for adultery men and women mustreceive equal punishment, surely there is no reason why they should betreated differently for any lesser marital problem.Now let us take a look at the consequences of interpreting {adriboo}one way or another.Suppose {adriboo} means: 'to beat'.In this case, verse 4:34 says that when a wife causes a problem in themarriage, her husband should first talk to her about it, then leavetheir bed, then beat her and all of this in view of increasing hischances of a reconciliation. On the emotional level, this certainlydoes not sound like a very promising course of action. So let us checkthis meaning against the bigger framework and in particular against theprinciple of 'equal behaviour leads to equal punishment'. This wouldimply that when ahusband causes a problem in the marriage, his wifecan beat him. At which he could invoke verse 4:34 to beat her again, sothat the result would be a perpetual physical fight between spouses!Surely, this makes no sense at all. And indeed, it is not what Allahprescribes for the situation where a husband causes a rift, as will beexplained in a moment.Suppose {adriboo} means: 'to forsake, to avoid', possibly, as MohammedAbdul Malek5 suggests: 'to separate, to part' .Now what do we get? Verse 4:34 now says that when a wife causes aproblem in the marriage, her husband should first talk to her about it,then leave their bed (forsaking his sexual satisfaction), then avoidher even more (not talking to her anymore, leaving the room when sheenters it, and possibly even leaving the house for a while), inorderto prevent things from getting worse, and on the contrary to letthings cool down and create enough space in view of increasing chancesof a reconciliation.This sounds like a very logical chain of events.Also, application of the general rule of verse 24:2 ('equal actions,equal punishment') now means that when a husband causes a maritalproblem, his wife should forsake a few of her rights, avoid her husbandin increasing ways, and try to work towards a reconciliation. And yes,that is precisely what verse 4:128 says:"If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there isno blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement betweenthemselves" (Holy Qur'an 4:128)4Understanding {adriboo} as 'to forsake, to (gradually) avoid (more andmore), possibly eventually leave altogether', clearly makes sense whenrelating several verses to one another.And there is more. Beating a wife, would contradict hadiths of the HolyProphet who repeatedly said: “do not beat believing women!”. It wouldalso contradict the Holy Prophet's instructions about anger – which(unless it is caused by injustice) he explained to originate from Satanand which he described as "a living coal on one's heart". One shouldnot act upon ones anger, lest one would do things one would regretlater. When you are angry when you are standing, sit down, the HolyProphet said. And when you are still angry when you are sitting, thenlie down. Interpreting this verse as allowing a husband to beat hiswife, surely contradicts these rulings on anger.Furthermore, Allah says in the Holy Qur'an that one must meet badbehaviour with something that is better, not with something that isworse, in order to turn a hostile situation into a friendly one:"Nor can goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better:Then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thyfriend and intimate!" (Holy Qur'an 41:13)4Therefore the word {adriboo} cannot really have meant “to beat”, canit. It must mean something that is better than causing problems, andavoiding the problem certainly is exactly that.Based on the evidence presented here, it would seem that interpreting{adriboo}as 'to beat', causes several internal conflicts with themeaning of other Qur'anic verses and hadiths, while interpreting it as'gradually forsaking, more and more and possibly leaving altogether',is a much more logical interpretation that is entirely consistent withthe interpretation of other rules in the Holy Qur'an and the Sunnah ofthe Holy Prophet Muhammad.What makes much more sense, is that this verse does not allow a'superior' husband to 'beat' his 'inferior, disobedient' wife. On thecontrary, this verse appears to tell us that a husband must look afterhis wife (an equal partner who, like he, is obedient to God), and thatwhen his wife is causing problems in their marriage, he should firsttalk to her about it, if that doesn't help, he should begin avoidingher by leaving the marital bed. If that still doesn't resolve thesituation, he should forsake her presence even more,avoidconversations, leave a room when she enters it, avoid her companyaltogether, and possibly leave the house for a while, so that noproblems are added to the conflict, and so that things can cool down abit to maximise chances for a later reconciliation.Return to obedience?When the problem is solved, when the wife is committed to the marriageagain, then the husband is advised not to keep using the incidentagainst her and to consider the incident closed.The exact Arabic wording is: "when then they (fem.pl.) {aTa:} (with)you (masc.pl.), then seek not against them (fem.pl) means ofannoyance". The verb {aTa:} (alif taa alif ayn) has several meanings,such as: 'obey', but also: 'comply, comply with, accommodate, giveinto', or in French 'filer doux'. Consequently, the verse can beunderstood to mean: "when then they are committed to the marriageagain", or: "when then they give in to/comply with the efforts of thehusband to save the marriage", or "when they no longer cause marriageproblems", ... Linguistically there is no compelling necessity totranslate {aTa:} as "obedient to the husband" . Other interpretationsare possible and indeed preferable. Earlier in the verse, there was noreason at all to translate {qanitat} as women who are "obedient totheir husband" so that here there isn't any reason to imply that thisverse is about a temporary disobedience and a subsequent return toobedience to their husbands. It is not a matter of obedience to him, itis a matter of {nushuz} (marriage problems). And the Holy Quran advisesthat when one of the partners causes a marriage problem, the othershould gradually avoid the person who causes the problem, in order tosave the marriage -irrespective of who started the strife (4:34,4:128)
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